the greatest guy around.

Andy picked up his cell phone. It was 2am.

"Hello?"

"YOU ASSHOLE! WHERE ARE YOU?! WHAT BITCH ARE YOU IN BED WITH TONIGHT?! HUH?!"

"Oh...hi baby..."

"DON'T CALL ME BABY! FUCK YOU! WHO ARE YOU FUCKING TONIGHT, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"...no one baby. I fell asleep at Dan's house..."

"Oh. Okay. Come back home baby, I miss you and I'm really horny."

"Okay baby. I'll come home. I'm sorry."

Andy sat up in bed and scratched his head. His big mop of hair fell in front of his face. He looked at the girl sleeping naked next to him. What was her name again? Mary? Something like that? He wasn't sure but he didn't really care. He slowly got out of bed and searched around in the dark for his clothes on the ground. He found his pants on one side of the bed and his shirt on the other. He had left his shoes at the door. He looked at the girl one more time before leaving. She had been okay. At this point everyone was just "okay". He did this too much.

"I do this too much," he said to himself, and then he left.

When he got back home all the lights were on. Janet was still awake, of course, and she was in the kitchen smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer in her underwear. When she saw Andy she got up and hugged him and kissed him.

"Oh baby, you worried me. I thought you were cheating on me again. But you're done doing that, right baby?"

"Yes."

Andy yawned. Janet looked up into his eyes. They were half closed. He was exhasuted.

"Baby, come to bed with me. I'll let you do whatever you want to me. Come on."

He yawned again.

"Okay. I'm gonna sleep then. I'm tired, baby."

Suddenly Janet looked angry. She stepped backward and looked at him. Her eyes narrowed.

"YOU'RE TIRED BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING SOME SLUT, IS THAT IT! SOME WHORE YOU MET AT THE BAR?!"

"No..."

Andy scratched his head.

"BULLSHIT!"

"No, Janet. I fell asleep at Dan's house. I told you that."

"Oh. That's right. Well baby let's sleep then, but we'll fuck in the morning."

"Okay."

They walked to the bedroom and Andy got undressed and climbed into bed and pulled the blankets on top of him. Janet went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and peed. Andy was dozing off when he felt her get into bed with him. She pulled herself against him and he felt her boobs against his back. Then she reached down and started playing with his balls.

"Janet, I'm too tired..."

She whispered in his ear.

"Are you really baby?"

"Yes."

She started kissing his neck. He sighed. But then -

"WHAT THE FUCK! IS THIS A HICKEY?! WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU THIS?! IT SURE AS HELL WASN'T ME! YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME AGAIN!"

Shit, Andy thought. I didn't know that was there. Dumb bitch.

He didn't move or open his eyes.

"Baby, it's not a hickey. It's a bruise. Dan was drunk and he hit me too hard, but he was just joking around."

"He hit you on the neck and it left this bruise?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, alright baby. Sorry for worrying."

"Okay."

She kept kissing his neck. Then she rolled him on his back. He kept his eyes closed. She kept kissing him and started working her way down his chest, to his stomach, and then finally, he felt her pull out his dong and kiss that too. He was tired but he felt it get hard. Then she stopped and sat up.

"OKAY ANDY. YOUR GODDAMN COCK SMELLS LIKE A GODDAMN CONDOM. FUCK. I CAN TASTE IT. WHY DOES YOU COCK SMELL LIKE A CONDOM? WE HAVEN'T FUCKED IN TWO WEEKS AND WE DON'T USE THOSE. WANNA EXPLAIN?!"

Fuck, Andy thought. Guess I was too drunk to clean that damn smell off. He didn't usually use them but that girl had insisted on it...which was probably best, come to think of - she seemed kind of gross.

"Baby, I don't know what you're talking about. I hate condoms anyway, so why would I use one even if I did cheat on you, which I didn't? Baby, you're tired. Let's go to sleep."

"ANDY. YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME."

Andy groaned.

"Fine baby. I'll tell you. I got drunk at Dan's house and we both put on condoms because he had this big box of em. I don't know why we did it but, as I said, we were drunk...it was stupid and embarrassing so I wasn't going to tell you..."

Janet didn't say anything. Then she laughed. A lot.

"Oh, baby. That is so funny. You're so weird when you're drunk...you AND Dan. I should've known."

She bent down and kissed him on the lips.

"Let's sleep then."

She laid down next to him and put her head on his chest and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry for worrying so much baby...not trusting you."

"It's fine," Andy said. He rubbed her back and squeezed her; held her close.

"I just don't want to find out you've been cheating on me again..."

"You won't."

"I know you used to sleep around a lot, and were still doing it when we were dating, but I know you've changed, right?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

And they went to sleep.